{"id":42492,"date":"2025-01-12T16:23:31","date_gmt":"2025-01-12T15:23:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/otpor.media\/?p=42492"},"modified":"2025-01-12T16:23:41","modified_gmt":"2025-01-12T15:23:41","slug":"zana-alpeza-zasto-se-dokazujemo-drugima","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/otpor.media\/?p=42492","title":{"rendered":"\u017dana Alpeza: “Za\u0161to se dokazujemo drugima?”"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Uloga dokaziva\u010da je danas jako rasprostranjena zato \u0161to je sistemski podr\u017eana. To je uloga nekoga tko je u stanju velikog straha i napetosti pred drugima, a najvi\u0161e autoritetima. Nastaje iz pozicije u kojoj se u primarnoj obitelji nije dobro definirao osobni identitet. To zna\u010di da roditelji nikada nisu dali jasne naznake i uputstva za samovrijednost, te su zahtjevi bili neispunjivi. Nikad nismo bili dovoljno dobri, ma koliko se trudili.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Uredila: \u017dana Alpeza \/ OTPOR.Media<\/sup><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Svaka ljubav je uvjetna, ali je ovdje problem bio u tome \u0161to je prostor za prihva\u0107anje djeteta bio isuvi\u0161e uzak. Bilo je: ili kako mi ka\u017eemo, ili nikako, a i onda kada dijete uradi ono \u0161to se od njega tra\u017ei, to je i dalje podrazumijevano. Nikada nije bilo dovoljno vrijedno. Ovo je veoma \u010dest slu\u010daj u obiteljima u kojima bar jedan roditelj osje\u0107a samo prijezir ili ima takvu strukturu li\u010dnosti koja se lako mo\u017ee uklopiti u dijagnozu narcisti\u010dkog ili grani\u010dnog poreme\u0107aja.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Takav roditelj ima nestabilna raspolo\u017eenja i samovrijednovanje, te mu\/joj je neophodno da netko drugi bude kriv za ta raspolo\u017eenja, i zato dijete biva izlo\u017eeno neispunjivim zahtjevima. Sve dok dijete nije dovoljno dobro, to je dobar izgovor za njihovo osje\u0107anje praznine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dijete to, naravno, ne razumije, i nastavlja da se dokazuje vjeruju\u0107i da je problem u njoj\/njemu, te tako imamo bazu dokazivanja svoje vrijednosti. Tu postoji ukorijenjeno nisko samopo\u0161tovanje i strah od toga da se vrijedi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dokaziva\u010d odrasta sa idejom da je nepo\u017eeljan, teret, i da \u0107e ga drugi lako odbaciti, \u010dim ga razotkriju. To je posljedica takvog odrastanja, i nemogu\u0107nosti da se roditeljski zahtjevi zadovolje. Ova uloga sa sobom uvijek nosi frustraciju zbog nemogu\u0107nosti da se uspostavi vlastita vrijednost i validira svoj identitet. To su obi\u010dno djeca koja rade sve \u0161to treba, ali \u0161to vi\u0161e rade, to se i oni i njihov uspjeh vi\u0161e podrazumijeva.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Samim tim, odrastanje u takvoj atmosferi stvara ulogu dokaziva\u010da \u2013 nekoga tko je u stalnom strahu da bude procijenjen kao uljez, kao nedovoljno vrijedan, nekoga tko je stalno u stidu i strahu da \u0107e ga drugi odbaciti, da \u0107e ispasti glup i pogrije\u0161iti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dokaziva\u010di motivaciju za sve \u0161to rade nalaze samo u prevazila\u017eenju unutra\u0161njeg osje\u0107aja srama i neadekvatnosti, te su to obi\u010dno ili ljudi koji puno prokrastiniraju, ili koji su izuzetno uspje\u0161ni i organizirani Taj osje\u0107aj osobne neadekvatnosti je te\u017eak za podno\u0161enje, i zato su skloni zavisni\u010dkim pona\u0161anjima, od kojih je jedna forma: radoholi\u010darstvo. Sve \u0161to mo\u017ee da zatrpa taj osje\u0107aj neadekvatnosti i bezvrijednosti dolazi u obzir. Jo\u0161 jedan fakultet, master, doktorat\u2026 samo jo\u0161 jedan, a onda opet ne\u0161to novo. Ne smije da se stane.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Problem je \u0161to nigdje nema njih; dokazivanje podrazumijeva pretpostavljanje tu\u0111ih o\u010dekivanja, bez razumijevanja svojih. \u0160to je najgore, ta tu\u0111a o\u010dekivanja nikada nisu zapravo tu\u0111a, nego su na\u0161a. Dokaziva\u010d se uvijek postavlja u poziciju manje vrijednog i uvijek poku\u0161ava da zadivi i ne razo\u010dara autoritet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ova igra se odigrava zato \u0161to je prijete\u0107e sebi priznati da nismo bili dovoljno prihva\u0107eni i voljeni od roditelja jer je to te\u017ee podnijeti nego da smo sami krivi. Ako si sam kriv \u2013 ispravljivo je, do tebe je \u0161to je kontrola.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Klju\u010dan problem dokaziva\u010da je strah od napu\u0161tanja i nepovjerenje. Povjerenje povre\u0111uje, a dokaziva\u010d ne zna svoje potrebe, te svoj bijes ne vidi. Samim tim, \u017eivi u strahu da ne vrijedi i dokazuje se da vrijedi, bezuspje\u0161no, jer nijedna vanjska validacija nije dovoljna.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Problem je u tome \u0161to se ovaj ekonomski sistem hrani dokaziva\u010dima. Oni su odli\u010dni zaposleni i kupci, naj\u010de\u0161\u0107e usamljeni ili sami.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To se posebno vidi u partnerskim vezama, u kojima se \u010desto dokazuju partnerima. Ukoliko se doka\u017eu, i osvoje partnera a ne dobiju ispunjenje tog osje\u0107aja praznine (a ne\u0107e ga dobiti), kre\u0107u da osje\u0107aju bijes. To je ba\u0161 ta psiholo\u0161ka igra iz djetinjstva. Dokazuju se rigidnom autoritetu od roditelja, a on nikako da se promjeni i postane manje hladan. Zato u vezama naj\u010de\u0161\u0107e biraju i bivaju sa hladnim, distanciranim partnerima koje poslije poku\u0161avaju da promjene i \u201cotople\u201d, kao hladnog roditelja.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Izborom takvog partnera poku\u0161avaju da repariraju odnos iz djetinjstva, ali i da se sakriju od izbora ne\u010deg druga\u010dijeg, po\u0161to im je to dosadno, dovodi ih u vezu sa vlastitom neadekvatno\u0161\u0107u. \u010cim ih neko prihvati, osje\u0107aju se kao da ta osoba nije dovoljno vrijedna.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seksualna \u017eelja i pona\u0161anje u seksu je isto dokaziva\u010dko i nestaje kada se doka\u017eu. I tako, od odnosa do odnosa, a ono \u0161to je potrebno jeste da rade na samo prihva\u0107anju i reparaciji tog dje\u010djeg, odba\u010denog djela sebe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Problem je u tome \u0161to se ovaj ekonomski sistem hrani dokaziva\u010dima. Oni su odli\u010dni zaposleni i kupci, naj\u010de\u0161\u0107e usamljeni ili sami. Reparativno iskustvo koje im je potrebno a koje podrazumijeva bliskost sa drugima danas se ne promoviraju, i zato ne vide da imaju problem, posebno \u0161to se taj problem prikriva poslovnim uspjesima i novcem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Izvor: Velike Pri\u010de , Milan Damjanac je psihoterapeut, edukator i predsjednik PLK Centra<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Uloga dokaziva\u010da je danas jako rasprostranjena zato \u0161to je sistemski podr\u017eana. To je uloga nekoga tko je u stanju velikog straha i napetosti pred drugima, a najvi\u0161e autoritetima. Nastaje iz pozicije u kojoj se u primarnoj obitelji nije dobro definirao osobni identitet. To zna\u010di da roditelji nikada nisu dali jasne naznake i uputstva za samovrijednost, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":42493,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"iawp_total_views":378,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,65],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-42492","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-moj-otpor","category-slajdvijesti"],"yoast_head":"\n\u017dana Alpeza: "Za\u0161to se dokazujemo drugima?" - OTPOR.Media<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/otpor.media\/?p=42492\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"hr_HR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\u017dana Alpeza: "Za\u0161to se dokazujemo drugima?"\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Uloga dokaziva\u010da je danas jako rasprostranjena zato \u0161to je sistemski podr\u017eana. 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